Ten Years.

I don't claim that I've matured at all since the last time I posted here. I don't claim to know any better about the world. I do think that people grow and change over time, as have I in these last 10 years.

I was entering my first year in university, and I faintly recall having just a general feeling of angst mixed with the rush of experiencing new things, new emotions, new people, new environments. Being exposed to so many different things helped develop this sort of cloak where I invented my memories of what was happening around me, and some of those memories I keep with me to this day.

The beginning of those 10 years were difficult in many ways. Family issues combined with the pressure of performing at school gave way to several phenomenal experiences I wish I could relive today, like being introduced to rhythm videogames or anime. Some of my fondest memories are spending time playing these games or watching my first anime series.

I was young and I understood little of what was happening to me and around me. I mean truly digesting the implications of what was happening at the time. Some 3 years after I began university, I was starting to crash against walls academically, but I was still doing good. And then it happened. One day, I was suddenly no longer worrying about the next Monday night class or midterms, but instead looking for a job.

My family was thrown into a turmoil that I couldn't have seen coming. Not in a million years. That was the end of my school days, and the beginning of having to wake up at four in the morning to get myself to work.

It's been a little over 6 years since I began working. I don't regret any of the choices I made along the way, but I am very scornful of people attempting to persuade me to go back to school. Not because I don't want to go back to school - I would love to finish my studies one day - but because our family situation simply cannot afford me to stop working.

Some days I do feel like hating my job just a little, but I don't hate the idea of working. Christ, having a job has opened so many new doors and opportunities for me and my close ones that I never would have imagined. And even without any formal studies concluded, I am actually making a career for myself. Maybe not in my area of study or interest, but I am making a new for myself out there. And I cannot downplay what it has done for me, whether or not it's what I asked for.